Things I never thought I would say in a Swimming Pool

Every Wednesday night I go swimming. Daddy and I take it in turns so that Top Ender and Baby Boy aren't left alone, because we are sensible parents. Its also easier to go swimming when Top Ender and Baby Boy are in bed as I don't have to worry about exposing myself to other patrons.

Last week there was nobody in the pool when I got in. This suited me fine. I was able to swim up and down on my own being ignored by the lifeguard (well not ignored, just not watched as that would be creepy) until a couple of young lads got in the pool and I had to stop pretending to be Sharon Davies and got out to go home.

This week however there were a lot of people in the pool and I said a lot of strange things. Like after accidentally catching up with a woman who I was sharing a lane with and almost sniffing her feet;

"Its okay I haven't got a foot fetish"

She got out the pool a length after I said that. I am going to pretend that it wasn't because she was scared of me.

A bit later I was talking to a Mother and (Hottie) Daughter team, about how to kill a young swimmer who didn't appear to belong to anybody and who was swimming across the lanes pretending to be a shark, or quite possibly did have some underwater watching people swim past fetish. I think we decided in the end that we should all just push her in to the next lane but there was also talk of a concrete jacket...

Hottie Daughter could of been in a James Bond Film in the swimming costume she was wearing and of course with the amazing figure and incredible looks that she had. Her Mum joked that she only came to show off to the Life guards, but honestly if I looked as hot as she did then I would be forever at the pool in a slinky costume. A quite worrying conversation (for them, for me it was normal) led to me asking the lovely Mum;

"Can I kidnap your daughter for her body?"

Not sure if it is more worrying that she said Yes or that I was already planning what I would need to carry out a brain transplant...

Coming soon to a body of water near you... Stalker Pippa!