Tomorrow

Tomorrow I take both my children to School. No different to the last four years where at the start of September we have all gone to School together after we've taken pictures of the first day of term. All clean shoes, new uniform and smiles. A lump in my throat as each year Top Ender grows more and more and becomes the beautiful woman I always knew she would be.

  

Only this year instead of just Top Ender staying at School this time Big Boy will be staying too. Now the photographs will change. No longer will BB have his picture taken by the window, but he'll move to have his picture taken by the door too.

Where has the time gone?

When did my children grow up?

I swear I was looking the whole time and enjoying them every moment to the fullest and yet, here they are. Big Boy is ready for a new phase in life, Top Ender enjoying (almost) every minute of hers. Soon they won't need me, they will be ready to face the world on their own.

I'm going to cry. I know I will. I have for the last four years, standing there blinking away the tears, feeling a lump in my throat as I watch my little girl go off without me and tomorrow watching my baby boy do the same. I know that the next few weeks until half term are going to fly by. We'll be back from Scotland in the blink of an eye and the first School Nativity for Big Boy will be happening before my feet will have even touched the ground. 

At the moment though all I can think about is tomorrow. 

Tomorrow when Big Boy will let me kiss him and give him a hug as he looks around his classroom at his classmates and decides what and who he is going to play with first. Leaving me behind to go home alone.

Tomorrow when silent tears will slip down my cheeks as I remember the first time I knew he existed, the first time I heard his heart beat, the first time I held him and kissed him and told him that I was going to always be there for him.

Tomorrow I will watch my children wish each other a good first day at School. I will see them run off to friends and teachers and know that they are in good hands but still I will come home and cry because my babies have grown up and gone to School.

I still have today though. I'll try and forget about tomorrow for a few hours more.

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