I Finally Feel Like Myself Again

Last Friday I finally felt like myself.

I know what a starter eh? The truth is during the lockdown and the summer holidays I got a little lazy and well a little lonely. At work, I got a little used to only working half a job and I got used to an easy pace. It wasn't that I wasn't working hard, heaven knows I kept busy with things that I could do, and things that needed to be done even without the children in school, but everything was just easier without visitors each day and without telephone calls every few minutes.

I got used to not going to Brownies and Rainbows and used to not seeing the girls each week. I even started to think that maybe I should give up volunteering as there wasn' really anything that I was getting out of it, there wasn't anything the girls were getting out of it.

I got used to not going to Church, I got used to not going to Youth nights and hanging out with the Young Women other than via WhatsApp messages and the occasional zoom meeting and postcards. I got used to not being the example and friend that I had been.

Then a couple of weeks ago, it was allowed that we could have face to face meetings at Brownies and Rainbows and I remembered how much I love being a Brown Owl and being with the girls. Each time I've been with them, I've giggled and laughed and taught them how to be free thinkers, to be independent, to be respectful and kind and loving and to know that they are loved and they have more possibilities than they could ever know.

The children came back to school and teachers and support staff and the visitors came back to school and the phone calls started up again and I think I had forgotten how busy working on the Reception desk could be.

Work wasn't like my first week, just over a year ago, where the parents were lined up behind the desk and for the first morning, I just ran around trying to work out how to be a receptionist when I knew nothing about how the school worked, or who to put calls through or who I needed to get to come to the front desk to deal with parents or even just to tell them that what I had already told them was right.

No, this time it was different. This time I was running around knowing the answers to the questions, I knew the people to call and the people to get to come to the front desk and what to say and what to do and everything just worked well.

At the end of the week, I'd had plenty of fun with my colleagues, I'd helped lots of people and I'd knocked maybe two or three things off my to-do list rather than the hundred or so things I had hoped to knock off. It didn't matter though because I got the important things done, I got the staff what they needed, I gave the parents the advice and information they required and reconnected with those I hadn't seen for weeks or months in some cases.

As I sat at home the evening after my first full week back at work, I was happy and content and everything seemed right with the world. It was like I had finally got back to being me and back to being useful and as I said I finally felt like me.

Lockdown took a lot of things from a lot of people, but I think that we've also been lucky that it has also allowed us to realise what is important, to look at our lives and know what we want to keep and cherish and focus on and given us another chance to just return to being the people we want to be.