A Mother's Ramblings

There is a hymn that I was reminded of a couple of Sundays ago when a friend mentioned it. It's titled " Have I Done Any Good " (and the link will take you to a page where you can read the lyrics and listen) and is a favourite hymn of mine, which is a good job as this last week it has been stuck in my head and I've been singing it almost constantly all week, much to the annoyance of my family and co-workers. It's the chorus that has stuck out to me this last week and has made me think of my lockdown experience. Then wake up and do something more Than dream of your mansion above. Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure, A blessing of duty and love.

The plan for this summer was that we were going to purchase new garden furniture. Our garden is looking pretty good because of the work we have put in over the last couple of years and so we figured we deserved a new set of table and chairs on the patio to eat at and a sofa type thing on the deck so we could enjoy the last of the evening sun in comfort. We were going to get a Fire Pit or a Chiminea or even one of those Patio Heaters that you get outside pubs so that we could sit on the patio long after the sun had set and still be warm, without the need of blankets, cardigans and a thousand other layers. We were going to buy a Pizza oven so that in addition to our BBQ we could spend more time eating outside, enjoying not only the new furniture and the fire pit/chiminea/patio heater but each other's company too. The plan was that we were going to make the most of our outdoor space.

Every Saturday, Flyfour and I pop to Tesco to collect our shopping. We've been ordering it as a Click and Collect option for a few months now, with me working out what we need and placing last minute changes on a Friday evening (when I realise I've run out of Bisto or have a sudden urge to buy peanuts), removing most of the items I hastily shoved in my basket to reserve the slot and panicking that I'm not going to remember the security code on my debit card and will have to go and find my wallet. I can never find my wallet. Or my glasses.

I'm trouble. I'm not sure who it is that decided this, but it's been a phrase that has muttered about me for the last ten years or so, basically once I was comfortable being me around other people. It's only been in the last six months or so that I've come to wonder a little about why I'm trouble and so, of course, I took to the internet to ask those who know me best.

Flyfour and I love going for our evening walks , it gives us time to talk and plan and on one of these walks we were trying to think of a project we could do over the Easter bank holiday weekend together. There were several contenders, but in the end, we decided that we would spend the weekend clearing out the garage. We assumed it would take us all weekend to do and so booked a tip slot for last thing Bank Holiday Monday and early on Good Friday morning (just before 9am) we were in the garage pulling boxes and piles of stored junk out on to the driveway and building the newly purchased (delivered in preparation earlier in the week) racking system. Two hours later, we stopped as we'd sort of finished!

This last week I was sick. That isn't really a good way to open a post about food, but Flyfour came upstairs and said that he wasn't going to make the Salmon that I had scheduled as there was some chicken in the fridge that needed to be used up (date wise) and so he was making that. The reason he knew it was the Salmon we were supposed to be eating, was because he checked the blog. This made me realise three things. One my family really try to get out of eating fish at EVERY opportunity. Two my husband knows where I keep information for the family and Three, I so love him.

My Mum had to go to the hospital recently, and I had volunteered to take and collect her, despite her appointment being incredibly early for a Saturday morning. We had driven across to the hospital in fine spirits, me trying to make up some lost time as my Mum was running late and talking about various TV shows that we both love. My Mum was nervous, but trying not to show it and so instead of kicking her out at the door, I parked in the drop off zone and walked my Mum into the Reception area of the department she was attending. We were cracking jokes at each other the whole time, and then as I left her sitting in the corridor waiting to be collected by the Nursing team, I knew I needed to do something special when I came back to collect her. I spent the next two hours thinking up puns that I could use to greet my Mum or jokes I could play. I came up with a lot, but knowing that she was going to be given sedation and would be a little drugged up when I collected her, I figured greeting ...

Tops and I were watching Vertigo the other evening, and as is normal when watching a film with Top Ender she was pointing out every nuance. Every single detail. Actually, that's unfair, seeing it written like that, it's not as depressing or as annoying as you might think, and has given me a new appreciation for the complexities of making a film and it's great to see the way her mind works and to understand why certain choices were made and how great she will be at University studying film and even better in her future career. The reason I mention this is because a lot of the symbolism in Vertigo is spirals, and I've realised that I've been in a bit of a spiral these last few months.

Gardening doesn't come naturally to me. I'm not all green thumbs like my paternal Grandparents or my Mum although I do like to walk around barefoot and feel the grass beneath my feet.  It takes real effort for me to do the things that I need to do in the garden to keep it looking nice and not an overgrown jumble of weeds (although I do keep some areas like this on purpose). Sure I know what this plant is and what that plant is, but only because of the patient teachings of my Grandparents as they pottered around their garden and I'm sure because they told me countless times what this plant is, and what that plant is and somehow like names of birds these things stuck.

There is an unwritten rule in our house that if I haven't made a proper meal plan, one where I've written down what we are eating and put it on the blog then we get to eat takeaway every night. Oh and we also don't have to eat healthily and we don't have to actually eat, we can just snack and eat countless rounds of Cheese Toasties with the lactose-free mozzarella because that makes the best toasties... So I'm back to writing everything down.

Every once in a while I wake up ready to change.  Ready to change the world, change my bad habits, change my life. Don't get wrong, my life is pretty damn perfect. I have an amazing family, a job that I love, amazing colleagues and friends. I get to do hobbies that I love, I've had many opportunities to stretch and grow and learn.