I'm Trouble

I'm trouble.

I'm not sure who it is that decided this, but it's been a phrase that has muttered about me for the last ten years or so, basically once I was comfortable being me around other people. It's only been in the last six months or so that I've come to wonder a little about why I'm trouble and so, of course, I took to the internet to ask those who know me best.

One of my friends believes that it is my joie de vivre that is mistaken for trouble.

Another believes it is because my natural exuberance draws people to me and gives them the inspiration to act upon their own wild ideas.

A third said it was because my sense of humour is a little off the wall.

Work colleagues said it is because I am actually trouble and based upon the conversations I tend to have when I'm with them I started to wonder... maybe I really am trouble!

Over the Easter break, I had a lot of time to think. I actually took time off work, didn't go into the office, didn't check my emails, didn't schedule posts or check the social media feeds... well apart from once when someone messaged me to ask a favour but that didn't count!

The time off, doing nothing but read and knit and sew and garden helped me realise a few things.

Whilst I'm not trouble, I am mischievous.

Yes, I do sometimes cause a little trouble, but in a playful way.

I enjoy giggling with my colleagues, enjoying the little in-jokes that we have. Enjoying the moments where things happen that are surreal or we can't believe what happened or even where something so incredibly horrid happened that the only thing we can do is look at each other, draw strength from the wink and secret gestures that we give each other and know that later we'll message each other and everything will be okay again.

I know that when those in charge call me trouble that they don't really believe it. They enjoy the joke, probably more than I do, but they get it. They understood before I did, the magic that happens when someone is trouble.

Slowly I've come to realise that being labelled trouble is a title that gives me certain liberties and freedoms to allow my true character to shine through.

That being labelled trouble allows me to work my magic.

I've come to understand that being labelled trouble isn't a bad thing.

Being labelled trouble is a freedom.